PHYSICIAN JOKES
Humor Me, Please

After a tiring week, it is good to have a peaceful weekend. I enjoy moments when I can sit in my favorite chair, read my book (I'm reading this fascinating book right now) and eat strawberries. Opening my email early this morning, I found the following doctor jokes from my inbox:

A man needing a heart transplant is told by his doctor that the only heart available is that of a sheep. The man finally agrees and the doctor transplants the sheep heart into the man. A few days after the operation, the man comes in for a checkup. The doctor asks him "How are you feeling?" The man replies "Not BAAAAAAD!"

If it is dry, add moist; if it is moist, add dryness. Congratulations, you are now a dermatologist.

A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $800. The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous!!! I don't even make that much as a doctor!." The plumber quietly answered, "Neither did I when I was a doctor."

At a medical convention, a male doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each other. The male doctor asks her to dinner and she accepts. As they sit down at the restaurant, she excuses herself to go and wash her hands. After dinner, one thing leads to another and they end up in her hotel bedroom. Just as things get hot, the female doctor interrupts and says she has to go and wash her hands. Once she comes back they go for it. After the sex session, she gets up and says she is going to wash her hands. As she comes back the male doctor says, "I bet you are a surgeon". She confirms and asks how he knew. "Easy, you're always washing your hands." She then says, "I bet you're an anesthesiologist." Male doctor: "Wow!!! How did you guess?" Female doctor: "I didn't feel a thing.""

This old lady walks into the Doctor's office and says, "Doctor, please help me. I have a terrible problem with farting. It's not really a social problem, because you can't smell it or hear it, but I must have farted 20 times since talking to you." The Doctor nods his head and says, "Take this bottle of pills and use them all. When they are all gone in about 2 weeks, come back to see me." The old lady comes back 2 weeks later and is angry. She says "What was in those pills? I fart just as much. You still can't hear them, but now they smell horrible!" The Doctor again nods his head and says, "Great, that takes care of your sinus problem, now let's work on your hearing."

Enjoy your weekend, folks!