For quite some time, I have heard this morbid death wish from old patients who are chronically ill. By chronically ill, I do not mean those who are on life-support systems and confined under close watch in the ICU. I refer here to patients who are relatively better but on chronic medication, who may or may not be bedridden, who require regular consultations, and need the assistance of either a personal nurse or a close relative. The reasons for losing hope are varied, and I have always speculated the causes: deep-seated family problems, financial difficulties, no hospital visits, hopelessness to get better, and depression.
Most of the time also, as if there was some black genie granting the sick ones' gloomy prayers, the morbid wish comes true. What the brain wishes, the body grants. No matter how much you try to counteract their "death wishes" by cheering them up. The loss of the will to live aggravated by the causes I speculated above spell the formula for the untimely demise of these patients. Of course, when you read their death certificates, you won't see what really caused their deaths. It will be hidden under the terms cardiopulmonary arrest, a cerebrovascular event, sepsis, or any other chronic illness.
The senior among us (those born during the 1920s and 1930s) have a mindset of sacrifice exemplified by their expressions of giving up easily, and giving those left behind what they think will be a long-term peace of mind. Some of their usual remarks include:
"70 or 80 is a good age to die."
"I have a lived a full and good life. It is time to go now."
"Gagaling pa ba ako? [Will I still recover?] I think it best to die now."
"Huwag nyo na akong ipagamot. Sa mga bata na lang gastusin ang perang pampagamot ko." [Don't spend for my hospitalization anymore. Give it to the children who need it more.]
More than doctors and nurses, I think these patients need the emotional support of loved ones, and it is tragic when there is no one around to care for them. Relatives sometimes grow weary of taking care of sick old people, because not only are they a constant drain on the family income, they also require more attention. Not everyone possess the patience and passion required by these instances.
The elderly sick people, on the other hand, are not blind to these harsh conditions. They are very sensitive when it comes to knowing if they are still wanted or if they have evolved into heavier burdens for the family.
The outcome is expected: their wish is granted and they die sooner.
Whether that gives the family peace and comfort is debatable.
11 reactions:
It is during the time when families who have to take care of their elders being burdened by the task when I begin to doubt our system. IT would seem that taking them to a home where all their needs shall be taken care of would sound more logical.
But then, that is not our way and asians would probably frown and look at it as some sort of disrespect.
giving care is a precious art. i learned this from S, who took care of his father who was bedridden for 5 years before finally passing on. his mother battled cancer for two years and spent her last days with an oxygen mask constantly on. when i had my own children, i watched S give them TLC. everything i know now about lavishing love and attention on someone who is ill comes from him. it is one of the greatest gifts i have ever received, and one of the greatest gifts one can pass on.
TITO ROLLY - logical but not personal . Most Filipinos would frown at the idea of sending old relatives to a nursing home. They would see it as some form of "kapabayaan." Financially, it may not also be their best option.
SVELTE - welcome to my blog and welcome to blogging again! TLC is hard to come by these days, and I am happy your dear S has been an inspiration for you to learn this seemingly endangered art of taking care of sick relatives.
i am excited to be blogging again and look to you for inspiration, critique, and guidance. and TLC. hahaha
I have seen this several times, but it's usually in relation to a prolonged hospital course after surgery and the chances of gaining a "normal" life is slim to none. I wonder how this can be addressed... I suspect that it is largely due to the fact that as a culture, we don't value our elderly. We see them as a burden rather than a treasure and they can sense that and don't want to bother anyone anymore. It's so sad...
what if i am the burden with my constant panic attacks and agoraphobia. i'm only 27 years old and i don't want to be a burden on my family anymore. there is no physical help for me and i have tried menta. i'm scared and lonely not unlike the elderly. help me if you can. what do i do?
I too am a young woman of 36 and feel a burden to those around me as well as to myself. I have suffered from depression for most of my life. I am a single mother and now that my daughter has grown and is able to take care of herself I feel I may finally be able to rest in peace. I have tried every type of therapy as well as different antidepressants with no luck. There is no cure or way to medicate my malady. It's not an exageration to say that every day, hour and moment is dark and painful. There is no escape.
LIGHTSN'STEEL - taking care of those who took care of us when we were small is a good way of showing kindness and gratitude. Like you, I hope more families will realize this.
ANONYMOUS and BLACKBIRD - Hope is the opposite of hopelessness. Life is the opposite of death. I am sure that deep inside, you know what to do to conquer the sadness and depression. Try to reach out for help from friends and relatives. Buy an ice cream and see how good it tastes. Pick a flower and wonder how good it smells. Do something new. Get out of your room and step outside. As the beautiful writer of Desiderata admonished, "strive to be happy."
I too suffer from depression. I have been unable to sustain a career, have been hospitalized twice and have been on and off disability for years. Therapy and medication have not helped. I keep trying. I have recently gone back to school to try again. But I am struggling and still have the great desire just to die to stop the pain and self-loathing that comes from the constant torment. Saying to strive to be happy and smell the flowers to someone who has suffered serious depression for years reflects a lack of understanding of the depth and pain. I know - I do try and do strive, but if the Angel of Death showed up at my bedside tonight, no one would be happier than I.
I would like to die in this present age of mine. I've tried to attempt suicide when I was a teenager but I was rushed to the hospital. I vowed not to commit suicide as I become fully fearful of hell. What if I killed myself then suffer more in hell? I can't tell what will happen to me after I have committed suicide. That's why, instead of committing suicide, I pray for an early death. I pray that I will die as soon as possible, as painlessly as possible, as quickly and easily as possible. I hope that before I turn a year older, I would be resting in peace.
I'm not depress or anything but for me dying isn't something I'm afraid to face. I'm actually wishing for it every day even as I go on living life normally like everybody else. I'm an atheist so I don't think much about life after death. It's not really an issue for me. Death after all is nothing more than the completion of our mortal existence, our way out from all our earthly cares. People live and die all the time. My only wish is that I can die the way I want without people giving so much fuzz about it. If people have the right to live, I think they should also have the right to die. Of course, those who are depress and exhibiting suicidal tendencies should be treated accordingly because they obviously need medical intervention. But for those of us who appreciates death logically and positively, we should be given the chance to embrace it anytime according to our wishes...
Post a Comment